Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
