and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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