He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
