I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
