If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
