I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
