I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
