Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
