Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
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