I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
