East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
