Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
