I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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