i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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