You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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