there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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