It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
