I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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