make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize