Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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