I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
