Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
