i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
