Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
