Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
