I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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