u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Who died my cat blue again?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
