All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
