my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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