I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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