after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
