I have demons in me.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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