I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
