I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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