this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
