dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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