Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
