So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
