A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
