last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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