I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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