My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize