So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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