you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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