You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
false alarm, still single
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
