that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
