You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
