peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
