Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
