kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize