i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
