Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
