Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
