there's paper in my vomit.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
