I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
