What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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