Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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