Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
