You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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