its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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