Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
