Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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