I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
