I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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