All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
