have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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