wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
