i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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