I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
