...so i touched it.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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