the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
