Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
