I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
