wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize