why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my shit smells like andre
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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