I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
