i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
