The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize