first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
