I got chris browned last night
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
