If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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