reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
