yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
