So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
