We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
