Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
