he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
