Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
