everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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