Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
