My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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