Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize