I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
