WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I checked into jail on foursquare
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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