"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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