I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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