I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The dick lei will go down in squad history
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
