Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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